It's useless.

Everything I write is perversed. People think what I say when I speak my mind through typing is a lie. It's true. Then they think small lies are true.

The bully in ps17 also bent my ring finger upwards. I was afraid. I didn't think a finger could bend that way, but I was a child, so the bone didn't break. As a result of that... my fingers curve upwards when I hold my hand straight. When one bone is damaged it travels through the spine to the other hand. I displayed this in the mental clinic. When I try to show three fingers as if counting a number... my ring finger is protruding diagonally. I tried moving it back because of this... not the way he bent it. The bone past the joint felt like it moved upwards. I did it gently. Then I stopped. When a bone is disfigured it goes in the opposite direction and obviously all of you think everything I've said this far is a lie. At least by modern medicine... doctors already know this.

She wrote perfectly. I asked my parents to buy her book on parenting and read a little bit. Technology stopped me from reading further. I guess I don't have choices in what I want to read or despite pain in my right ear from a damaged nerve, hear the people I want to hear speak. Not sing. Speak.

I did make myself deaf in the other ear, through loud sound, because I couldn't handle the way sound felt. I can't hear live conversations but technology has to say something when people's lips move. At least I can hear pre-recorded music.

I can't have sex and release and I need morphine as a replacement. I also needed her my whole life, unfortunately she's happily married, so I guess that's over permanently.

The previous post. We need more food, for strength and lack of stress. We need to spend less money on tobacco, alcohol, and cigarettes, so that we can buy it. I've typed somewhere around 200 speeches or so. Belthagor, Dormantaccount2, Dormantaccount3.

It's useless. So after a bit more time I'm going to most likely delete all of them, unless technology stops me.

If I can't convince people to treat me normally then there's no point in writing anything on a computer or even on plain shit paper. The other two accounts are locked, belthagor for 10 years and dormantaccount2 for a year, so I guess I'll be forced to wait.

Don't bother reading any of them. They're shit. Simple word choices can change absolutely everything, which is why she was successful. And I'm not.

I wouldn't say fire if there's no fire. I have the right to censor things in this country, especially my own.